Wednesday 29 October

It got colder, but it feels okay. The heat has been coming on more frequently. It was a cold rain all day yesterday, with heavy snow mixed in beginning as I walked home. We were forecast to get 2-4, but we didn't get any and I am glad for that. The wind is still strong. The dogs were fairly frisky. Bella got particularly rambunctious at one point. Right now she is wishing she could go into the kitchen where the cats are busy digging cat kibble out from under the oven door. I figure, if they put in the effort to dig it out, then they can have it -- not the dogs. I had forgotten to put the container of kibble back into my room and of course Nick opened the oven, and of course he found it, and of course he spilled it and began to eat it, a bunch of them gleefully eating it. I went and scooped what I could back in and left the rest for them.

I became acutely and clearly aware this morning that I need to speak more lovingly and kindly to the animals. In all selfishness, I realized the unkind words also hurt me. I understand I need to respond more lovingly to situations that distress or upset me. I also understand my deep fear of and revulsion to chaos in all its forms -- big and small -- comes from my early childhood and the life my mother's bad decisions thrust me into. I also understand the world is full to the brim with hatred and negativity and it affects us all, and I need to be more conscious and stop contributing to it. I realized all that this morning, with God's help, God was speaking to me and I heard it so clearly. The devotion this morning was about being clearly aware of God's presence, and hearing those words of putting forth loving kindness into the world surely is God's presence (the Scripture was of the men meeting the risen Jesus on the road to Emmaus and not realizing it was him until he blessed the bread and vanished.) A favorite Scripture of mine.

I didn't feel all exhausted and awful last night like I had the night before, and I really, truly do not know why. It was so odd. But last night I had energy and actually needed to make myself finally settle down. The dogs and I had a short walk through a cold nasty rain. I was concerned about Fergus in particular getting wet, but then I remembered his downy undercoat, when already dry, is good protection against that. Of course his undercoat is just plain gone in so many places because of his skin thingy, but still. I had to consciously remind myself that he is improving, that he had a fairly serious case of the infection, but he is improving and it does take a bit longer using natural methods. I need to be patient and not lose hope or faith in the process. Bella definitely has the yeast on her back -- sniffing it is the best way to find it -- and I am not as sure about her back legs, but since I am not sure, I clean them anyway. I was only going to do Fergus 1x a day but he got so wet yesterday, I wanted to do it to counteract the wetness. I know the vinegar stings all his little cuts and dings and that's what gets him all antsy afterward. Bella really doesn't have that as mostly she licks it off, or rolls, and is done with it. The vinegar does sting. I have little cuts on my fingers from work and the stupid hook on the dog tie-out. But again, I have to constantly remember Fergus is showing improvement even tho I despair at times. Some of the spots, including his ears, are definitely changing from black to brown and that means the yeast has been nailed by the vinegar. It's the furry places that take longer.