Friday 14 November

I've come to a couple of conclusions this morning, the first and biggest one being that I need not apologize to anyone for the way I live my life, since I am not intentionally hurting anyone by it. My first obligation and responsibility is to my home here and to the creatures who shelter in it, and the plants I have planted around it, or invited inside it. I know my purpose. I know why I am here, and I know what I am supposed to be doing. Intrinsic to this is the fact I must also take care of myself to be able to do these other things.

Case in point: I did not go to choir again last night. I was too tired, it was too dark, and it was raining. I had already walked home, in the dark, in the rain, carrying my daily burden from the market. It isn't as if any of those people who miss me so much at choir are offering me a ride there, in the dark, in the rain. People are well-intentioned, but also sheltered and clueless.

Work has been very busy, both in production and getting orders out, and also on the phone with customers, some of them being real lulus.

We had a fine walk today. It has warmed slightly but it is also quite grey and dim, and misty wet. It felt fresh and cool and delightful.

I received the check from the Relief Fund to cover part of my water heater replacement. I felt grateful to receive it, but also humbled and embarrassed by the fact I needed it. At least now I can make my monthly payment for L, in repayment of the sum he lent me, without having to go back into my savings yet again. I fear my financial situation could get quite dire and it is not an easy feeling to watch my savings dwindle, especially with the holidays ahead. There are always more bills to pay, but at least the water and the sewer bill are out of the way for the time being.

It is Friday with its built-in ahhhhh. J has decided we will unpack the Vosges chocolates for the store today, which means we will get to have some, and I know she has this in mind. She has been busting her butt getting orders out this week. But she often does not start packing until 2! I don't quite, entirely, understand that, except I know she loses track of time in all aspects of her life.

The cats must have found more styrofoam to gorge on because I keep finding little puke piles of them all over the place. I have to go find their secret stash and chuck it out. I thought I had eradicated it all, but apparently not!

Pearl the fish is not doing well. It is only a matter of time for her. She barely eats once a day and is having less and less control over her body. It's sad to see -- she was always such a vigorous, albeit aggressive, and spirited little fish. And really beautiful too, with her pearl scales. But she ain't dead yet so I should hold off on the obituary.

Poor ED who had the massive stroke is still hanging on. She was always such a lovely lady. She is in my prayers these days, and her family too.

I have decided I will go down to the supper at the church after 6 to help with the clean up. And to clean. Thus eliminating the Sunday trip and also getting the hall tidied up. This is the first year I am not helping out through the event, mostly because of the people JD recruits to work in the kitchen, JB in particular, the moron. He and AB fight most of the time and make it most unpleasant. And I hate ham and the potatoes GG made last year made me sick all night.