Wednesday 26 November

M is home. She got in late. They ended up sending 4 buses from Boston on that particular run. 4! So she was a little over a half hour late, but it was all fine, it all worked out. I ended up going down with the dV's. J wanted to go to the hospital to see E before she passes away -- it is a matter of days, apparently -- so we dropped her there, and then went on down to the bus. We had stayed at choir for about half an hour.

M was funny as we got further north and close to home -- it's so dark out there! as she looked into the small wilderness that is the battlefield. And then once home -- it is much colder here! I didn't pack for this! She's been away, what? 3 months? But, no matter. I dug out some warm tops for her to wear.

I still hope to get home earlier today, but I am not sure if that will happen.

It is cold, and crisp this morning. We had rain all day yesterday. It was fairly miserable. Thankfully it was done by the time I walked home from work. I had a panic once I got home because M kept calling and I can't answer because the phone is still not fixed. She called over and over, and I worried what was up and did she miss the bus. Finally I ran next door and borrowed their phone. Got her voice mail and left her J's number. Then I got an email from FF saying she'd asked him to tell me her bus was going to be late.

Easy to see why the bus station was packed with people, mostly young and mostly not white. I had forgotten how big Albany is. My eyes were slightly dazzled by it as we drove down there. I really do need to get out more.

I felt ill at times yesterday. I would become overwhelmed by a scent or a smell and feel nauseous. That new candle L likes so much truly does make me feel sick. I had to move it when I was in the store. That started me off. And then someone came in and he smelled bad and it lingered in the air. I have become so acutely aware of smells. Imagine being a dog. Unfortunately so many of these smells leave me feeling uneasy or ill. It's too much. I feel like a kid again sometimes -- with inadequate filters and barriers.

I completely forgot what I was going to say next. I want to cook some stuff tonight -- make those carrots M likes and rice and beans, that pumpkin dessert, and cranberries for tomorrow. It sounds like a lot but it really isn't, because they are mostly all simple things to prepare.

I was so tired last night in the bus station but then I could also see on the way home how tired J and D were too. I get all these pains when I am so tired, back, head, throat. I was intensely thirsty. We had gone to choir before going down. Sang for half an hour. It's a pretty song for Sunday, incorporating O Come Emmanuel, which I love. D said we are singing the hymn version of that too. I love the music at holiday times. I will not miss any church through the season and am still torn about the concert. Of course all my choir friends want me there, and of course J feels justified and honored by my unwillingness to be there. It's all very complicated. Gestures mean so much.

Anyway, this is getting complex to my tired head. I got to bed at nearly midnight. I will take it slow today and try not to drive myself crazy.