We saw a fox on our walk. Bella saw it first. In the cemetery. It saw Bella and ran off, tail down. How cool. I am going to look in my animal medicine book to see what blessings may be there. Seeing the fox is blessing enough, in its way, it heartened me and lifted my heavy spirits. After that I understood what the crows were saying.
I have today off. Veteran's Day. I am glad. Work was a little bit crazy yesterday and L&J were gone. Off to their glam life in the city. I wonder how they will handle having a house in the country -- when it is finally finished being built that is, their million dollar plus house -- and they can finally move in. It drives them crazy, how long it's taking and I can feel for them for that, but some of that crazy is created by their own minds.
I slept well enough as I could with 2 cats in the room. They were actually pretty cool. Inca laid down the law with Topaz early on when he tried to crawl under the covers and we had peace after that. I had odd but fine -- I think -- dreams. I think I partly feel flat because I haven't a truly good friend to talk with every day, someone with whom I feel I can truly be myself. I have that somewhat with L&J but really not with anyone else. I realized it partly when E got to work after school. There is a 17 year old in me who likes to laugh and babble right along, but she doesn't get out to play so much and I hope poor E -- who wasn't really feeling well -- wasn't overwhelmed by how much I talked when she got there.
I am beginning to think that a lot of my church friends, well intentioned as they are, are actually idiots and with church being the only thing we have in common, it is all vaguely artificial, somehow.
I am feeling a space opened up in my life and I am talking to the animals more, the dogs and Inca primarily. I have always been a lonely girl, tho, all my life, my solitary childhood brightened primarily by my Gram and Aunt Joan and some dogs and imaginary friends. And God is the best imaginary friend of all because I know God is real and that I am a person focused primarily on spirit, and spirit reaches me clearly and truly, right to my heart, and through nature too. When I read or listen to the Beatitudes, I often think, 'Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God' is the one that applies to me. I have seen God, and I also know how my heart suffers in the world. It is too pure for this world and that has driven me nearly mad, and I am certain there are many people who would (or do) think me crazy yet and so I keep my peace, I keep it to myself. It is a secret between me and God, me and the things of the spirit, me and nature, which is full of spirit, plants, animals, birds, stone, wind, earth, on and on and on. Cloud.
Anyway I plan to soak in the bath again. My back hurts every day lately. I do so much lifting and carrying at work. We had a truck show up yesterday -- surprise! With 2 pallets! I told the guy there was no one there to run the forklift and he said he'd do it, he wanted to get the load off the truck. So he did it and I helped him haul and carry some of the stuff. And the store was busy too, and the phones, with screwed up orders that L screwed up because he is too obsessed with his house and not with his work. If he'd just let the builders build the house and stop meddling, it just might all be different.
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