Friday 26 December

I got interrupted by DdV coming to the door with some of the dinner I had missed and their gifts to us. It was so kind! We stood out on the porch and visited for a bit.

And then the day dragged on into night and my spirits crashed and I rallied them back up again as best I can. The sulky, ill presence of M is dark and dampening. I suppose it isn't her fault, but neither can I deny the effect it has upon me. Fortunately S in Chicago was online and she and I IM'd for quite awhile and I talked it out with her. It was at that point that M got up and started puking, tho it sounded more like gagging coughing than like actual heaves but who am I to say. I was so sick of it all by then and so worried she was having a breakdown or whatever. It was all too much, and it made for a long fucking Christmas if I do say so and that is a bald fact, not self pity.

So anyway I guess I need to pull myself together today and proceed as if everything is normal and not be sucked into any negativity. I think I need to go to the bank, maybe, cos I have a mortgage payment today. And I need soy milk and I have to mail my phone bill. I was thinking about the library but I will probably do that tomorrow. I also want to clean the fish tanks. If M is up for it -- she probably won't be tho -- I will make mousse pie. Or, I can save that for New Year's because we have been invited to the dV's. I will ask J if that is okay. J gave me what looks to be a good book, a spiritual memoir by Anne Rice. I couldn't find the Doctor Who Christmas special online yet last night. I am thankful the sun is shining cos it helps lift my spirits. I feel helpless and unable to be of any real help to M. Maybe I should simply keep it simple: be kind and offer tea or be of assistance when she expresses her wants. I think it is important to not so much anticipate her wants for her, but for her to ask herself for what she needs. I hope she is better today cos if she isn't it will be all that much more difficult for me. Yes, me. I have enough to handle. And her energy is large and stronger than mine by virtue of her youth, if nothing else.