Monday 15 December

It is warming slightly and while the world is still covered in snow and ice, it is as if it is softly exhaling moist breath, creating a soft atmosphere. Ice is beginning to fall from the trees. I could hear the constant clatter of it as I walked with the dogs. The world was serene and lovely, all pink and blue and gold, with the just past full moon high above. But Bella made me a little bit crazy, constantly gobbling ice as she was, as if it is a crunchy food. I suppose it is better than eating sticks.

Somehow I am beginning to feel overwhelmed and not quite able to cope. I think it is a residual feeling from the helpless exhaustion of the power outage -- I am still uncomfortable with darkness when I must navigate through it. Also it is icy outside, and so hard to walk. My boots are uncomfortable but reliable -- they keep me on my feet, and my feet are warm and dry in them. But they are cumbersome, as is all the clothing I wear to stay warm. I haven't decorated for the holiday yet but that is no big deal. Today I need to bring home the gifts I am getting at work, and get them wrapped and packed to ship. M comes home later this week and I would also like to bake those raspberry coconut bars before she comes. I feel like I have to spend more money than usual -- which is true -- and that unsettles me somewhat also. I also want to mail out the rest of the cards today, 'borrowing' stamps from work. The Robin Hood theory of borrowing. I have a ton of dishes to do and I never cleaned the floors. But I did get the tanks clean and Macchu seems better, while Pearl is still wobbly. She has eaten hardly any of her food I realized as I cleaned the tank. She has a hard time getting around and a hard time finding it. I guess I am beginning to feel beset by worries, crowding in on me.

And so back to work today, a bit of normalcy that will perhaps stabilize me. I made a big pot of soup yesterday, bean and vegetable, the beans and seasonings coming from the pantry, I think it will be really good with a bagel and cheese -- very hearty! I was unable to get any dry dog food at the market yesterday and so will have to haul it up the hill when I do finally buy it -- tho I asked CW to check to see if they had more and they didn't so I hope they will later this week! But I can't afford to worry about that now.

I washed Fergus with vinegar last night -- he's got some intense patches of the infection on his back. But he is still better overall. I need to get some dechlorinator for the fish tanks, more vitamins for the dogs, in case the Flea Treat run out in January when the manufacturer takes a month long break.