Very cold. Very frosty. The sunrise was an intense bright red amidst the deeper, dark blue. I saw it from my window when I got up, because today is Saturday and I was able to sleep in a bit. Which is a true blessing! I was bone tired last night. Yesterday was a very long day, at the end of a very long week. Work is busy yet, and hard. Lots to do. And yesterday I attended a funeral service at the church that was very sad. Very emotional. When I went back down to work, it was hard to shake off the funeral feeling. It draped me like a cloak. Then J asked me if she should throw salt at me. That's what they do in Japan to dispel the funeral feeling once it is over and you need to move on. Just her telling me that helped me feel better.
I plan to lay extremely low today because tomorrow will be busy. We have our concert in the afternoon.
When I was at the church yesterday, I was already aware of judgmental little sniping coming my way, particularly through CG to PB and then PB of course will open up her big mouth to me, and that's how I know that they think it's awful that M didn't call me to tell me she'd made it back to Boston safely. Nosy old biddies and they aren't even all that old -- but they are certainly in training for it! Telling me how her daughter would have never dared not call as soon as she walked through the door because P worries too much. Yes, it is all about P, all the time, and her daughter knows that -- and they have their daughter firmly under their thumbs so that she might never dare speak the words that she might actually like a life somewhere else besides here. But I know from traveling to Jamaica with her that she would love a life someplace other than here -- but unless she breaks out of the good daughter role, it'll never happen. They want her right here. They never think of what she might want. But do I tsk tsk and tell them what I think about how they raise her?
No. I don't.
The small minds that live here are tiresome and I skip around them like they are stones firmly embedded in the flowing river. And I will flow around them, and beyond them and live my life as I see fit -- not dictated by small town minds. Nuh uh.
I told L&J yesterday that I know if I lived someplace else -- an area with lots of intelligent, creative men, a city, perhaps -- I'd have a boyfriend. But that as long as I am stuck here, I won't. There is no man available here that is worth my time. I know who I am and what I know and I won't waste that on anymore fools.
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